Day 22 - Chicken & Chips?

Hubby been for small portion of fish & chips tonight with addition of peas and a fish cake!

He laid the said food out and talked about how he thought that was an adequate portion, and seemed to feel on the righteous side as he picked the mini portion as opposed to normal size. I look at the plate now and it's a huge portion. I suddenly had a flash back to when I was a child.

I can't remember what age I was other than I was a school child, and more likely junior school onwards.

I think it probably started as a treat when I first had chicken and chips with my family. I loved it, and still do today. So much so best friends would be able to win a prize if somebody was to ask them what my favourite meal is ever!!!

Anyway...... I agreed with Hubby that even this small portion looks huge, and started to talk about how I used to eat a normal size chips, chicken breast and pot of gravy as a child and would eat it all up! Also that I distinctly remember feeling so full and uncomfortable during the meal. However you guessed it, I never left a scarp. And also remember bread and thick butter with this!!!!!

As I talked about this with hubby felt quite emotional, not so he noticed as was not wanting a response. The feeling just sort of came over me and I just wanted to cry.

I love my family, and by no means did we eat this every night, but how could they let me eat all that. Why didn't they perhaps let me have a chicken leg with a few of somebody else chips? I also distinctly remember being the one who most of the time asked if we could have chicken & chips, and managed most times to creep round my uncle, who had the car to take me to the chippy. My scenario remind me of some of the overweight kids you see on TV programs where the parents either give them sweets, large meals etc. When the parents sense danger and cut back, the kids put on the emotional guilt trip so the parents usually cave in. After all to provide food for your child when they are asking for it is what a good parent does isn't it? RIGHT!!!!!!

I don't mind being the women who loves chicken of any description, but I now realise I probably use this 'meal' to make me feel better if had a bad day, as a reward, comfort etc. It probably takes me back when all my family were together, alive and well thinking about it like that. Of course now I have many comfort takeaway meals I can rely on as well as chicken.

I think of my own babies, and I seem to be getting more aware of when they tell me they are full, even if it looks like they have had hardly anything. I either try to leave it available as they are real grazers, or if eaten enough say OK and take it away. At the moment I am less worried about them. They are slim, prefer fruit and are active.

OK, further flashback..... I seem to remember that we had the chip meal in the evening when my uncle came round. That means I must of eaten after school time too!!!!! No wonder I was fat, I was probably lucky not to be so obese. I think this must be because I was in all the school sport teams, had a BMX and we used to ride for miles (once we rode to east Midlands Airport, lucky we not killed and certainly would of been if mother ever found out!!!!), took dogs a walk. All the things kids should do now, but stay in and watch TV/Computer etc.

I feel really sad and as I've said before, and know I will say this again........ Not for my girls!