Day 46 - Good & Bad!

BAD -

Today it took me over an extra hour to get to work due to an accident on my normal route. Instead of panicking about all the jobs I had to do, and the meeting I was likely to miss I felt calm. I wasn't going to get to work any faster was I? Clearly I have been delayed before but instead of thinking of how inconvenient it was to me, I only had to think about those and their families in the accident.

Anyway, got to work and had a most unproductive day. Just could not be bothered even though had some admin time, which is much sort after, to get some key task done. Ultimately spoke to few people, read emails and hopefully offered some sensible advice to a colleague who upset about ever increasing workload.

Thought a walk around the shops would clear my mind at lunchtime and add to the steps. As I walked around the smells of and people with food in their hands seemed to have NEON over them! Not sure what that was about. It was never an option to eat, but I did find myself weighing up how crap I would feel if ate a chicken,bacon & cheese baguette from GREGGS!!!!!!!
I also noticed the generally out of shape people eating such stuff and convinced myself it was not the place I want to be anymore.

I managed to distract myself with a trip into Debenham's to see if any cheap bargains on the racks as meant to be 70% sale. Grabbed a handful and tried them on (two size 16 Jeans & three size 14 tops, the latter I was hopeing would come in when lost more weight as reduced quite a lot). First Jeans were Boot Cut so was looking forward to confirming had lost 2 Stone!!!!!! How wrong I was. My current 18's from Next are very baggy however these 16's (Red Herring) were snug in all the intimate places shall we say, albeit I was able to fasten them. The next jeans I tried on were straight leg and I could not even get them on. Over to the tops ...... First one I managed to squeeze on after much adjustment and the sound of very stretched stitching (eventually discovered it was a bloody size 12 on the 14 hanger), along with another with an elasticated bit and bat wings made me think I had not lost any weight at all. The final one was easier to get on but looked awful with Jeans. Feeling rather dejected I gave the x2 tops and one of the pairs of jeans back to the assistant. I decided to buy the SNUG Jeans and top on the basis the Jeans were reduced from £30 to £9 and the top from£25 to £6 and will fit a few pounds down the line or I could return them within 28 days if push came to shove. I also popped back over to the original sale rack and found a real size 14 and bought that.

Back to work, still demotivated, drank more coffee than wanted and struggled to get the water down me.

GOOD -

In sorting out everybodys school, nursery and work outfits for Tuesday I started going through my wardrobe to see if any of the two pairs of work trousers I have with labels still attached, size 16's would fit yet as my only been wearing 2/3 week others look silly and too baggy which will wear for the rest of this week.

First pair fit, look nice and could wear now but would benefit with a few more pounds off. Second, different shop, are already too loose! After showing hubby have decided on balance rather than wear either of them, will keep labels on and see if can recoup some of my wasted money and get them on EBAY.

Next I thought would try on again today's haul and showed hubby. I have to say (children still up) he had a twinkle in his eye and said for one I needed a smaller size (bless him). The original 12 that I thought was a 14 looked nice enough to wear now, as did the other 14 with different bottoms on. I felt so chuffed. I then showed him the jeans, however I looked at myself again and realised I do look slimmer in the new ones compared to my current baggy 18's. Hubby really liked them too and said I could wear them now. I do value his opinion as I can see in his face if tells me the truth or not!

Again as said above, go to the wrong shop and the item does not fit can make you feel like you haven't achieved anything. I feel really happy now about my bargains and look forward to thinning out more clothes soon.

Off for my last pack of the day, and hopefully another Litre of water

Night Night.

PS got my new hair straighters.

So hot I burned my head this morning. What a liability! LOL

Day 44 - Weigh Day!

Shall cut to the chase ...... Lost 6 LBS this week!

I have now reached just over my Two Stone loss in 6 weeks.

I didn't believe my LLC when she told me. It seems the increased water is the way to go, so have started from today to fill in the water log in my Record Book. My personal aim each day, or perhaps 4/5 days out of 7 is have at least 5 litres. If I can only manage the 4 litres other days then think that is fine.

As promised to myself will be taking a trip into town Sunday to find my hair straighteners. I can't wait. My friend has reminded me I need to think about my next incentive. I think that must be my trip to Leeds shopping with the girls on 5th May.


This week we looked at Hot Thoughts and keeping a Thought Diary. The LLC gave examples and I decided to share my Salsa Night experience. I felt chuffed I am getting the counselling, as some, although we are at different stages/weeks have said they are not quite there. Talking this through at the group has made me realise I will succeed at this, I understand myself (most of the time) and I am pleased to say that some of my groups of friends are taking away bits of what I discuss with them into their own life. So much so, my suggestion of bowling weeks ago needs to get sorted as an alternative to meal out and booze.

One lady at the weigh in today has now got a BMI of 24. She is really happy and wants to reach a personal goal of loosing 3 stone in total. She does not have far to go now, and I think she is about Week 9. She has bagged up the smaller clothes as they have become too big but has decided not to get rid of them. She says she has done this before on past diets. I asked her if she believed she had cracked it this time? She is not sure it's fair to say mentally and still thinks she is overweight. She looks lovely!!!!!!

I spoke to my LLC about my feelings around the BMI. She confirmed lots of people feel like this, but whatever I decide she will support me nearer the time which I thought was great. I do feel better about it now and already started to think maybe I could loose a bit more than 10st 7lbs?

Anyway thanks for the as ever brill advice. I do need to cross the bridge when I come to it and today I am happy with 2 Stone off and the control I have back in my life.

Time for me to gather the children up now after having a totally disgusting mushroom soup. It seems I have now gone off this one too. I have promised my oldest that we could soak our feet in the foot spa and be girly and then we could cut our claws.

Well it's 5 litres down, can manage another before bed. Hopefully catch up with all the BLOGS when babies finally gone to bed,

Sam xx

Day 43 - BMI

I have finally got round to looking at a healthy BMI for my height to enable me to try and get some idea what weight I would be happy with and set some real goals.

I knew my ideal weight range was 8st.2lbs - 9st.3lbs, however I think I thought above those weights there was some leeway and still be within a healthy BMI. I always believed that those weights were far too low for me.

I sort of was getting my head into thinking 10st 7lbs was probably a good weight for me, as like most of us this weight had not been achieved for too many years to mention. Also I thought I would be pushing myself that bit further.

Well, I realise now to have a healthy BMI of just above 24, I need to weigh around 9st 5lbs. I feel really, really gutted! I can feel my motivation for the diet running out of me, and I don't think I have felt like this any other time over the weeks.

Maybe I shouldn't of looked at the BMI charts, or perhaps I am going through what everybody else does eventually. IE thinking that the low weights are far too hard to achieve, then look back at this time and laugh when we realise we have surpassed the higher end of a healthy BMI!!!!!!!!

HELP Me ........

I do not know what 9st something looks like but I know I do not want to be skin and bone. I also do not want to feel like living at that weight is such an effort. Now I do not mean my food demons, I understand the life long sentence. What I mean is trying to maintain 9st means less food than 10st 7lbs (doesn't it). I realise I can't return to my old eating habits but that's very different to eating like a mouse and claiming I'm full after eating a salad.

Please somebody give me advice on this one as do not want to give up.

I remember when I did WW many many moons ago. Well I did well, but perhaps half to a stone off target I spent weeks messing about, or so I thought. I could not get past my then current weight, and I have to say I looked good. I was also really active in various sports/exercise classes etc. Eventually I stopped going as did not want to admit defeat and pick my own weight to stick to rather than their ideal. I kept the weight off for a year, but gradually put it back on. My biggest regret I did not do their maintenance plan.

This situation is making me feel like the WW scenario!!!!!

Day 40 - Water Plan

I have recovered after my Salsa Night and not thought of a takeaway since. Thanks to those of you who were checking to make sure I'd not gone over the edge!

I have not always been getting enough water down me, and it seems noticeable the people that do are having an even better weight loss than me, so set myself a challenge on work days. It's hard when travelling or in meetings and you are not sure where your next toilet is! (or the opportunity!).

Yesterday and today I managed to drink one litre on the way and another litre on the way back from work. I also marked down how many glasses of water had in work with the minimum expectation I have one litre in the morning and another in the afternoon. This was easy to manage so by 6pm I have had four litres. Then as a bonus I manage at least another litre during the evening without having to drink up till bedtime and making frequent trips to the loo during the night.

As another incentive I have found another draw of smaller clothes and am back in some black cropped trousers I used to live in HE HE. Could do with a few more pounds lost around the bottom, but know I wore them previously when tighter than this!!!!!

I have also gone through my current stock of clothes and removed all the maternity tops I still wear!!!! Not to go out in, but around the house and garden as comfy clothes. I eventually realised that they were also doing nothing for my smaller figure and in any case I have plenty of scruffs in smaller sizes to chill out in. I have added them to the rest of the maternity wear just in case ......

It's weigh day on Saturday and am 4lbs off to get to my 2 stone off. If I just miss it, it will be off the week after and either way I can't grumble for 6 weeks work. I am going to treat myself to new hair straightners. (been saying this for years and always convinced myself I did not reach the goal I set and did not deserve them).

Therefore have just over 8 weeks to go on Foundation and my thoughts have turned to working out how much I could loose by the end. I know we have all talked about this previously but this helps to motivate me. Am trying not to set silly goals, but clearly am in line for another stone off, and hope like mad make it 2 in the next 8 weeks. We'll have to see.

I am determined that whatever happens when I feel happy, healthy and trim I will settle at that weight, and not let anybody tell me I need to loose more! Not going to make the same previous WW mistake and ruin my hard earned weight loss because will not conform to somebody else ideal.

Day 37 - Weigh Day & Salsa Dance Party!!!

Attended my group today and looked at Crooked Thoughts. These are the all or nothing statements we tell ourselves like one of my past personal favourites ..... 'I'm crap at diets and can never stick to them for more than a week'. The idea for this weeks homework is to look at x3 achievements per day and log them. I assume this is to help us realise things are generally not as bad as we sometimes tell ourselves and we all usually have some positives each day.

This week I have lost 3Ibs, so am very pleased. Truth be told was hoping for 3.5Ibs as want to loose 2 stone by next week! I know, never satisfied. Will just have to work my ass off and do an aerobics class this week or something. In reality I know I have lost 2 Stone (naked) remembering past higher weights so I am still chuffed. I also realised when weighed self this morning that in the scheme of things I am not too far away from nudging just under the 12 st mark! I cannot remember the last time I was 11st something!!!!! HE HE

Tonight my friend and I went to a salsa party arranged by our salsa teacher. The ticket cost £6 and included a dance lesson as well as admission to the club till 1am. Cheap bar, well it would be for me and I enjoyed plenty of soda water with St Clements. Felt good water wise as managed the 4 litres early in the day which was a first. The Party was open to everyone and we met people from other classes in Nottingham as well as Derby. I really enjoyed the lesson and he showed us even more moves. These are getting far too intimate for my liking. LOL. Steph, have you tried the one where you interlock your elbows, move around and are far too close for comfort? We then move up and down!

After that, the people who had been dancing for at least a couple of months had a lesson which was great to watch. They looked really professional. I did feel a little sad and wished hubby was there, however I accept it's just not his bag. Eventually it was just left to people to dance like any normal disco, well with Salsa music only. Again it was lovely to watch people and as I said to my friend, if we wanted to, we could of either danced together or with the men scattered about.

However as the evening wore on I suddenly had a thought that I needed something to eat/a takeaway!

Where did that come from as I know as was not actually hungry, but in any case I had a bar in my bag which I could munch on. I eventually realised that my sudden urge to eat was because I was out of my comfort zone. Whenever I go to a club, whether with or without alcohol, if the music is right I can dance. I can also choose to dance with or without friends if I so wish. At the Salsa Party I felt out of control because I neither had my own man to dance with, or if quite honest didn't want to dance with some of the misfits strolling around (sorry to be unkind ..... but I did feel at least relieved I was not on the look out for a partner as would of been very disappointed. Note to self, touch wood so Hubby does not decide to leave me, LOL).

Once I realised the reason for the emotional hunger I started to return to normality again. I suppose I knew I was a bit of a control freak on some levels but was also shocked a little that a simple thing like the party could of set me off on a downward spiral (had I been eating) and I would not of worked out why. If made a poor food choice I think I would of told myself how rubbish I was for not sticking to the diet. I then thought about how many other occasions I may of eaten due to being out of my comfort zone, not realised and eaten for the world!

I have to say I am loving LL for making me so self aware. I hope so much once I return to food I don't forget all this and can remember all these things for life.

Day 36 - BRATZ

Today I took my older daughter and two of her friends to see Bratz at the Nottingham Ice Arena. I had noticed the advert months ago and not told her about it so it was a nice surprise nearer the time. She like most little girls loves Bratz and has a collection of the various sorts available (a marketers dream as one of my friends often tells me!).

I got a bit of an insight into what you do when you are 5/6yrs as the girls were dressed in Bratz T-Shirts, had hand bags and one girl even had a mirror and lipstick! MMMMMM? That's another issues for another day! They all chatted away, hyper off the scale with excitement and giggled almost constantly. It was a real thrill to see my daughter act like this and be happy as I don't always see this side of her, or maybe I'm too busy to see it.

The concert was fab, we had great seats and plenty of tat was bought for all (£15 per child not including the tickets!!!!!) I know I completely spoiled them but they were really well behaved and I enjoyed doing it for them.

On a practical LL note I took a selection of snacks and drinks for them and a large bottle of water and a bar for me. Again it makes you realise how much I could of eaten had I not been on LL.

I also bought a copy of Zest magazine as I noticed it had a runners plan in it. I could not find mine from last year when I started training for Race For Life (didn't do in the end) so thought would start this again soon as I managed a few weeks carrying more weight. Should be easier, I hope. Any tips Lesley?

Day 33 - Life on Mars?

Did anybody like the ending for Life on Mars? To be honest for the second series only watched the first few as lost interest.

Back at work today, not as bad as built it up as. Was on duty but all manageable tasks and reasonable demands. Glad only one more day to go, although days off are packed to rafters of things to do.

Thanks for the support following my bad day yesterday. It's over now, and a few more days into week 5 which is no bad thing. I have weighed myself today and think lost a few pounds but will have to wait and see. I know I shouldn't but needed a bit of motivation.

Had a positive comment today from somebody I used to work with who not seen me for some months or more. At first she made some comment about whether I was pregnant as had I now realise very baggy top on. She then said I had lost weight and quizzed me as to why was wearing the clothes I had on as basically they did nothing for me. I took the comments in the spirit they were intended and later looked in the mirror and also agreed I looked like a right bag of washing. I ironed a blouse this morning as was happy enough it fastened and had some room in compared to the last time I had it on. However to be fair it had too much room in it which made me look even bigger although lost some weight.

Think after it's been in the wash, another item for charity. Also had on a skirt not had on for a while, it kept moving around all day. Think can get some more wear out of that, but very happy I am getting smaller.

Off to bed to look at free boots magazine and am too tired to go through wardrobe now. Maybe save that for when feeling low again.

Note - This week I am craving bread!

Day 32 - Feel Crap!

Should of been in bed hours ago as feel very tired and generally feel crap. Not ill, but just not myself.

I know it's work Tuesday so wonder if a bit of it is about being back when had such fun pottering around with my family. On a positive note would of ordered a takeaway to console myself after probably eating my way through many hunks of bread with butter during the day, not forgetting huge bits of cheese! Actually realising this has made me feel a little better.

Have just made vanilla ice-cream. Think I added too much water as does not taste too strong. Not sure whether to throw it or not. Am going to bed with my LL book to remind myself how far have come and make sure drink all the water Tuesday. Not sure had enough today.

Day 31 - Play House Heaven

Today I have spent most of the day pottering in the garden and painting inside and out the girls playhouse. It's light pink inside, Blue with white contrast on the outside, and the inside of the door is a slightly darker pink. I really really enjoyed getting lost in doing this for my babies, the only irritation was them wanting to know if it was ready and trying to visit me while I was up the ladder. How dare they want to play in it. Will be all dry and ready for them Monday.

Our friend popped round early evening and brought the girls an easter pressie and eggs (he is a great God Father to them). Anyway, our usual 'RITUAL' when he pops round as we don't get to see him too often is we share a takeaway when the girls have gone to bed.

I could of easily just ignored this, but asked him to stay and have a takeaway, well asked Hubby to. Not sure what he said but by the time I came back in with the menus hubby had told him I would not be eating, so I told him a bit about LL. He is easy going so made no odds to him. To be honest I had on very baggy painting clothes so not the best outfit to show him how much I had already lost even though I still fished for compliments!

They opted for a Pizza Hut set menu (mine & hubby's usual, or should I say one of the many 'usual'! especially the spicy crunch chicken. Well they ate it, I drank water and later had a chicken pack. To be honest I even surprised myself how easy this was for me.

I look forward of course to my occasional take away in the future, but I am determined not to return to them as a regular occurrences or more importantly to console and comfort me for a rough day.

Also had a great time out last night with the girls. Thought was going to get thrown out a few times when added some St Clements in the bars to soda water, but apart from that really enjoyed it. I seem to have a new problem, advice needed if have any.

Friend said she felt bad drinking alcohol when I wasn't, even though I said I was having a good time and didn't need anything. Not sure if I have already said this but really not missing alcohol and it's great being able to drive into town, park and then drive home again without hassle of a taxi or wondering if had too many units to drive home. Thinking about it, it feel quite liberating. They wanted to know when I could drink again!

Our shopping trip to Leeds for the day once we each reach a certain goal has now turned into an overnight & shopping! Not sure how I feel about this. Evey time we go away we have always, always had an adventure. It's never planned, but we seem to attract or find action. Not opposed to yet another adventure to add to our history but wonder if it will be the same with no alcohol. MMMM, will have to think about this one. I know seem to be contradicting self here in terms of alcohol.

Today's Food pack Heaven is choc one with a little Fruits of Forest made into a thick dessert. Why have I never tried it before. Just think how creative we will all be once we have more ingredients! LOL

Bed time now. Need my energy for more Garden Centres, planting and possibly make some playhouse curtains.

Sam xx

Day 30 - Weigh In!

This is a great diet! Never before have I expected so much and it has actually delivered.

This week I have lost 3 1/4 Ibs taking me just over

1 Stone and 7 Pounds in 30 days.

How Brill is that? I feel sure with any other diet I would of : -

1. Cheated;
2. Lost approx 7Ibs;
3. Already feeling bored; and
4. Not been analysing my attitude to food.

Today in the group there was only three of us and our LLC (holidays etc, people weighed and went). We still had a good sessions looking at various issues one of which was eating during abstinence!!!! the LLC advised that in her previous group most of them (think it's developers) were eating, were not in ketosis and even put on weight. I asked my LLC if everybody eventually eats? She said no, and talked about a women who has lost so much weight in 4 months (think 5/6 stone) who is so positive. She never ate during the plan. To be honest I am glad this discussion is out in the open and it's given me renewed confidence to continue without feeling it's inevitable that I will eat. Still need to take one day at a time but blimey I am on day 30!

On another really positive note, some of my friends wanted to catch up today/tonight. I wasn't looking forward to it as just wanted to chill out at home with my family in the garden. I wanted to help put up the girls playhouse which we took from our old house, and this time paint inside and generally make it as good as new again. (we moved last July and it's been flat packed ever since). Anyway I phoned one of my friends after today's class and she was so considerate about wanting to know what I wanted to do. I said I was happy to go out into town and have my fizzy water, could do with a chat and see them. As before when time comes for the normal 'RITUAL' of a curry I will go home. Friend said will happily take something home rather than eat out. Felt really pleased that they taking on board what I am doing, and as a consequence can go and paint playhouse and also go out for a few drinks tonight.

Now, what shall I wear? I did contemplate nipping to a shop to see if could find a cheap and cheerful outfit, but to be honest my wardrobe is hardly empty.

I hope you all have a good Easter and weight loss. Thank you for the great and supportive comments on my ramblings. Hopefully will catch up with everybodys BLOGS over the break.

Take Care

Sam xx

Day 26 - More Tabasco?

No pearls of wisdom today, just a straight forward diary.

Hubby been shopping and bought me a red Tabasco, and two other things of same ilk for me to try. One unfortunately has papaya in it, so assume that's out. The other seems OK, and he said was half the price of Tabasco so will give it a go. Hubby doing shopping for the third week running is a real positive as after an initial rant (to be honest been saying this for ages!) he has taken full responsibility for shopping for food, planing his own meals and getting stuff in for the kids. Prior to LL this was such a bind for me. I mostly did shop on the net to get it delivered (as well as many trips to shops for extras!!!) but at the end of day I was always responsible for everybodys meal planning and generally cooking it. As you can imagine I love food but even while doing the Food Doctor Diet, and hubby enjoyed the food, I felt so dam responsible alllllllllll the time. This seemed to spill into everything.

Anyway, I'm glad he is doing the shop and moves something off my list.

Another day followed on the program, and read some great Blogs today. Thanks everybody for the support.

Off to bed now for a proper early night, well will look at a few magazines which arrived today but at least less time getting square eyes on the computer.

Ps. Wore a old skirt to work today which loose instead of being so tight looks as if I am still pregnant! Maybe after get to 1st 7Ibs will move a few clothes in and out of wardrobe.

Day 25 - Who Would of Thought This!

If my calculations are correct, I have bloody made it to day 25!

That does feel like a milestone and is easier for me to digest rather than 100 days!!!!!

Today I have worked at home, been productive and loved being able to collect my girls without the full on battle of trying to get out the office and living in traffic on the way home.

Something I have realised is that I easily stuck to the packs, did not wander to the fridge once and was not tempted to deviate. There would of been no witnesses! I must start to see this is an achievement, as even on another form of diet I think I would of been in and out the kitchen more times than a fiddlers elbow. Even if managed to convince myself it was all within the rules of that particular diet.

This week I have mostly had in my head the words of my LLC. She said on this diet, you do not get hungry and does not actually believe anybody who says they are hungry. This keeps playing in my mind when I think I need a meal. It has been helpful as it seems to shake me back to reality and I try and work out if it's time for a pack or I need to take my mind of food.

Today been emailing with friends, and some have been asking how the diet is going. They are mostly interested in the counselling. I gave them a snippet from this weeks sessions on how I have interpreted it (you've seen it here first!LOL). One friend then talked about going to the shop at the weekend for one bar of choc, but instead came away with bag full of choc including large Easter egg. Needless to say she felt like crap when she viewed wrappers the next day. Now this women is slim, and shows us all it does not matter what size we all are, the emotions/binge/you name it get us all one way or another.

She asked if LL have or will give me the answer? I hope I replied correctly and said something along the lines.....

• Maintenance will gives us support when we return to food, but ultimately the answer lies with us as individuals. That LL is personally giving me the space to try and understand why I eat when full/not hungry and also how some of my habits and ideas are linked to either childhood or other experiences. I said that to be honest I may well always have food demons, but I hope knowing where they come from will help me face them logically rather than just following a conventional diet and eventually failing.

Well that's Sam's wisdom for tonight. It makes sense to me anyway.

Time for the last pack of the day, you've guessed it something with Tabasco.

See Ya

PS. has anybody got/know anybody who has a FIT BUG? See link . http://www.fitbug.com/uk.consumer,fl,4

I just fancy one so can see progress online, but am already spending a small fortune on this so would welcome any comments or reviews first

Thanks Sam