Day 115 - Back On Track!

Well I did retire to my sleeping chamber with a veg pack & choc pudding and st Clement's custard. I drank more water and thumbed through my weight loss book to remind myself how much weight I had lost since 8th March!

62.3lbs

I am pleased I did not have even the healthy option, but must say although I was having an adult conversation with myself and David in a calm manner, it sort of felt like a scene playing from Jekyll and Hyde in my head and I was not sure at the begining who was going to win.

Reading the Management books made a lot of sense and the food choices were spot on for the types of things I would love to eat. At this stage my first protein on Management will be Salmon and it will be nice to be able to venture into a supermarket again and look at food knowing I can eat some of it.

I have even worked out that by week 5 alcohol will be introduced just in time for my holiday. The only thing well down the line I am potentially bothered about is cheese. I am not sat dreaming about it, but know there will be all types on the half board buffet in Spain. Will perhaps cross that bridge when come to it.

Today I have a pile of washing to do, then sort and put away and get everybody's school/nursery/work bags ready. Will try and get it done this morning so the girls and I can do something together. David will be working most of the day at the house.

OK, let me begin the challenge that is the clothing mountain.

Day 114 - The Struggle Which Is A Saturday Night!

I have just had a mini debate with myself and husband about whether I was going to eat something from the local Take away!!!!!

Hubby is going to have an Indian Meal, and we discussed the pros and cons of me having maybe a chicken Tikka starter or something similar. I know would still be in Ketosis, have two packs left for the day so would limit the damage, but ......... I am only going to do one more week of full packs, so should be on a high from my weight loss and the journey moving to the next stage by next Sunday.

I have decided to post on here (I posted on the MINIs Forum and copied from that!), then go to bed and look through my management books I collected today. On a positive note, I wanted to pick one of the healthy options, husband is really supportive and has let me make up my own mind.

I know it's the crooked thoughts telling me other have eaten for all sorts of occasions and are still in the game, so why shouldn't I have a bit of something? Anyway, off now before get him to add a starter to his order.

I feel sad that maybe I just haven't "GOT IT" and will eventually slip back into crap habits

Day 114 - Weigh Day, Week 16!

I lost 5lbs this week, and I know say this most weeks but I am really, really shocked! To get to my 61kg/9st 6lb target I have less than 4lbs to go. Regardless of what I lose next Saturday, I will be starting Management next Sunday as any remaining I am sure will come off.

I have looked forward to touching a Management book for ages and have finally got them in my grasp. I plan to sit down with a pack tonight and read the books from cover to cover. I have got them the week before so I can understand what I need to do, buy anything I need to and I suppose make an occasion of it.

One item of equipment I may invest in is a George Foreman Grill. Any advice good or bad out there?

I love barbecue meat and veg and could probably eat it most days, so I hope this would satisfy my need for flavour and health in one!

OK .... off to look at a few show homes now with the family to try and get an idea of dimensions.

Sam xx

Day ? More Trousers!

Just a quick post as done in.

Work today and had a few issues tugging at my conscience and normal triggers which would of sent me off eating pre LL.

I had different members of staff who I manage feeling and some telling me in a roundabout way they were disgruntled with my new work pattern. I thought I had made it really clear to them I would actually be more available to them as now doing 4 days one week and 5 the other instead of 3 every week. I also told them even if I was with my other team that I am covering Mon/Tue, I was fully contactable either by email, phone or getting off said backside and talking to me face to face in the other part of THE SAME BUILDING!!!!!!!!!!

To be honest, I know who the instigator of the trouble is, and they have done it with previous managers so I should not be surprised. I have the measure of them and have been challenging things when necessary as not having them or anybody making a noise about something that is unnecessary.

Normally I would dwell on it, agonise about letting people down even if I could see we all have some part to play in personal responsibility. I would always shift blame to me. This would then make me feel like an inadequate manager and the insecurity sets in. Comfort food would then follow until I felt better which could be days down the line if the issue was ongoing.

Now I am not saying I no longer give a rats ass, because feeling like I am good at what I do and do support people is very important to me. However this time I have it in perspective. In actual fact there is only one person I manage who has a legit point (mainly due to me previously being PT and not being available to support in some challenging bits of work at the end of the week). That said in balance, I know that worker does need to take responsibility for it too as they never told me they felt like that despite me asking them and happily gets on with stuff. Therefore I think they are managing it as they tell me so.

The others have had over and above most managers offer, so they can live with it!

I do have some strategies which wanted to put in place anyway, so just motivated me to get on with that bit sooner. My trouble causer will still moan and try and take everybody with her, but I know this is something I have to live with but will keep a tight reign so she has less to use to cause the said trouble.

On that note, am off to bed to try and get shut eye by 10pm. The early nights have slipped again and my bags and brain are starting to feel it.

Kick Fit after work tomorrow

Sam xx

PS ..... I need to find some more trousers as only have weekend pair of jeans (now rather loose on waist) and a pair of work ones in reserve when a few more pounds down. I seem to of overdone it with skirts but no work trousers! Primark can't help as all too long, so looks like I will have to fork out in a shop who caters for the short, hope they have a sale on.

Day ? Happy Birthday Me!

Sorry folks for being away. I have Been fine, just writing in my journal at bedtime as too tired to start logging on here knowing I would then read everybody else BLOG too.

It's my Birthday today and had a really lovely day. David and the girls made me a vanilla coffee (firstly without the coffee!) and brought me my cards and pressies in bed. They bought me some lovely lightweight stripy pink PJ's which I will not be embarrassed to answer the door in, a crispy new Kitchen, Bedroom and Bathrooms magazine and Gok's book (How To Look Good Naked). When I got downstairs was also a huge exotic bouquet of flowers too. Inspired gifts just what I wanted. To be honest has some really lovely well thought out pressies from family and friends.

Later in the morning Olivia and I went to town under the guise of returning a few things and came back with six bags worth!!!!!!!! At some point I hope I will stop shopping, although it's better than eating. I like my bargains as you know and found most items in the sale, including a new work bag as my dated briefcase snapped after almost two years wear. I did not realise how dated I was using it as it seems most people just have large bags. It's large enough to get papers in but I have also decided I no longer need to carry the heavy crap I used to so will scale down.

Spent a fortune on matching underwear in my smaller size from good old M & S, and a few more holiday staples.

Later in the afternoon two friends, their partners and children came round and I prepared a great buffet spread. I prepared lots of it last night to save time and did a selection of adult treats and child friendly party food. I eventually had a vegetable pack more so I could have a sit down with them, rather than being hungry. Last night and today did not feel tempted to eat although I thought on my Birthday would give myself a meal off. I am happily back in my NOT AN OPTION mindset and just want to get the job done now.

Lessons Learned Today -

1. Although I over catered, I did think about not trying to produce too much waste.
2. I made sure David (next two days lunch!) & guests went home with pack up for school/work the next day to minimise waste.
3. Realising still food left and knowing nobody else will eat certain things, have made up a large parcel for David to take to work for work colleagues to tomorrow. I still hate waste after all! LOL
4. Realised that pre-LL I would of picked and ate my way through making the buffet, laying out today and through the evening until I felt uncomfortable. My mentality WAS, I just can't leave it! Anything still left would be stored in the fridge for the next few days as I would refuse to throw anything away. Looking at it with the benefit of hindsight, I allowed myself to be a dustbin.
5. Happily No Alcohol.
6.While packing the food away, I have found myself saying to the girls one minute do you want anymore of something when in reality they would get it themselves as been doing all afternoon. Then on the opposite side of the coin said to Olivia when it was clear she had had enough, I can save some for you for another day or depending on what the food item is Mummy could make that for you another day, you don't have to eat it now. I think the second options are much better and the last thing I want is to put my food issues on them.
7. Following on from that I think I finally I understand that in this day and age as a family we are lucky enough to not have the food run out!!!!! If I am full but loved the flavour of something I could 1.STOP, 2. Make it another day or Visit the restaurant another time. 3. I do not need to eat whatever it is until I can't breath in fear I would never taste such a thing again.

Now I am unsure what I will do when I can eat again and not on management as that's where the hard work starts, but I am determined to be aware of my eating. I will cross that bridge then and try and remember days like this when I have been so happy and in control.

A very positive day it has to be said and unlike the smoked salmon trigger, I will not be putting my face in the fridge!!!!!

I am off upstairs to look at my purchases and clear some space off the bed so David can eventually get in it too. Also need to log that David has been and continues to be such a star and I hope I can prove to him how much I really appreciate him and love him for all of his support.

Day ? Weigh Day, Week 15!

I lost 3lbs today. To be honest was hopeing for more as really really upped the water and of course no cheats!!!!

That said I updated my ticker and realise only have 8.81 lbs to get to my 61kg personal goal so need to get the loss in perspective.

I had decided not to take the management material gain this week, but asked my LLC to wave it in front of my face as motivation. I think I will take the info next week so can prepare and get food in. looking at the forum it looks like trying to work out what yogurts and various things to have due to sugars et al seems complicated, so the more time the better.

I am definite now that whether get to 61kg or not, will start Management after the next two weeks weigh ins. I see no reason why I will not continue to loose, and I should be close by then anyway.

OK, off to prepare my Birthday Buffet now!

Day 100 - I Made It!

I was just shy of my 4 stone target (we all know why!!!) and realise I only have a 11.5 Lbs to my goal! I Can do that and hang on in there before embarking on the World Of Management. It seems so mysterious and exciting.

Today in my group there was only three of us. Few on holiday and sadly one decided she is unable to continue due to medical issues. I am gutted for her, but hope to see her soon and that she gets some answers.



We looked at Crossing the River today out of the Development part of the program. For anybody who has yet to get to this bit, we were asked to draw two island with a river running through it. On one island we plotted where we are now in our lives, the other where we want to be. In the river we placed any possible obstacles to achieving our goals (not just weight loss wise) and finally built a bridge over the river of the tools we would use to get to the other side.



I found it really helpful and confirmed that at the moment I have more positive things going on in my life than negative but at the same time could note any areas for improvements. We all shared with each other this exercise and am pleased to report we are all in happy places. I split mine into my home, husband/children, work, friends, weight/health, exercise/health, projects etc. I won't bore you with all the details but felt really content and happy about my dream home we moved into last July, however I hasten to add it is nowhere near being in dream home state, but has the potential to be so. In terms of hubby, children & friends I felt my relationship with them all was so much better but had a little way to go to be exactly how I would want them. This is most apparent when it come to friends who still expect you to be the person they met originally. Despite moving on at different periods in your life, they still keep some of the same views of you and refuse to move on too about specific issues.



When it came to weight/health/exercise I felt really happy and could acknowledge not only the weight loss, but the good blood pressure I now have and I am back to loving exercise. I have settled on wanting to be 9 st 7lbs. This is when I wish to start Management and hopefully go on to have a buffer of between 9st and 9st 7 lbs.



Due to my silly and recent blip I will take Development one week at a time, and decided in the end not to take the Management Book. Depending on where I am with my weight loss, I will take the books nearer to goal so I can be organised and plan my meals. I would love to have at least 3/4 weeks of Management in the bank before I go on holiday. I have a little over 7 weeks for that so should be OK.



Normal Blogging will commence now confessed all and focus back on end prize.



Just need some time to catch up on everybody else and see how you have all got on.



Sam xx