Day 57 - Abs Blast!

Thought it was finally time to do something about my very very slack tum instead of grabbing it in a very unflattering way as proof of childbirth!

Today I put youngest in Leisure Centre Creche (ladies chirped up about not seeing me for a while!) and joined a sea of fit looking men and women at Abs Blast. Already committed but thinking had made dreadful mistake I got through the class and felt I could congratulate myself for getting my bum back into the gym. Also on a positive note daughter did not cry for the entire time in the creche and agreed she will go back next week. The lady at the side of me said it gets better after 4 weeks so have booked myself in for next Friday, 9.45am.

On an exercise note I am still enjoying my salsa class, and on Wednesday it was the last class. There is another Salsa gathering next Tuesday where they have laid on a buffet (Help!!!!!!!) and we collect our certificates for completing the past 8 weeks. The week after we can sign up for the next level. I think I will sign up for the next level as if nothing else it gets me out the house and now we are getting more energetic will burn a few calories.

As for next Tuesday, Natalie and I have decided to go, I will just have to have a pack before I go, and perhaps take a bar in event need to nibble. I did survive open buffet for 21/2 hours last Sunday when took daughter to a party. Food looked yummy ..... all bite size and available! Held my nerve and had half a bar while helping kids on the bouncy castle.

Weight loss is still going well and the clothes are really starting to hang off me now! When I dropped oldest off at school I met a couple of mums who had not seen me up close for a while who were positive about my weight loss. They know I am on LL and wanted to know how much I had lost and in how many weeks. I told them 2st 7lbs (well I hope to be this by Saturday as only 2lbs off) and they did those mock jealous/sad faces I have done in the past when somebody looks great/lost weight/achieved something. All in good humour. I felt on top of the world because it was me this time that had lost weight. Youngest and I than ran to Sainsbury's for a few emergency supplies, then off to the gym as said above.

Tonight my oldest, OK it's Olivia (5yrs) ... I can't bothered to keep this up. My youngest is Ella (2yrs). Anyway Olivia is at her first school disco so I have offered to help out in the hall. She has told her friends and is excited her mummy is going to help. I am glad she is not yet embarrassed of me!

What else have I been up to?

Well the half way point shopping trip to Leeds is off. My friends have a range of excuses but to be honest I am quite pleased about it. We have re-arranged for June so this will be closer to my 100 days being over and in turn closer to goal weight. I may even be able to but some clothes that won't be hanging off me 2 weeks later, LOL.

I have also made a few calls career wise about courses for the future so hope packs of information will be on their way soon.

On the downside have had a few words with hubby it feels like most days this week. In a nut shell I love him and know what he is like, however even more so than usual am sick to death of him moaning and doing nothing about it! Generally this issue covers his health, job, hobbies (NONE), seeing his friends (doing nothing to arrange a night out) and so it goes on .......

Now, none of these traits are new and I have from time to time said a few words about all of them, so again nothing new. What feels different to me this time is that I am getting even less patient about his lack of drive to live his life. His glass is always half empty. Not sure what else to say, and I am sure will re-visit this again in the BLOG. I also know I do have a great hubby in so many other ways ........ never worry about an affair, great at DIY, happy to care for his children and even modified his hours to accommodate them Thu & Fri, loves me fat or thin, is home most of the time when says he will be so I can go to Salsa, gym, meet friends etc and would always want me to do what makes me happy. Lets not forget he has been supportive on this LL plan albeit sceptical at first.
Mmmmmmm, maybe I need to get this in perspective?

Day 54 - I Think?

I'm Still here on this great LL Program working through my 8th week without a cheat! Can't believe something that sounded so extreme is working for me and my head feels so clear of clutter (most of the time) I can focus on the important things. Anybody thinking of trying LL, I could not encourage them enough, and I'm not on commission!

Anyway..... been busy, busy, busy and missed logging on. I've had to be quite strict with myself and tell myself sometimes it was too late at night to start writing my BLOG or reading everybody else's. It's never a quick job, and I have been getting to bed far to late and feeling rough in the morning because of it. Can't believe the children are bathed, snacked and in bed and I have managed to get on at a reasonable time.

Weigh Day was last Saturday and another 3 1/4 LBS off. As ever eye on the next weeks prize and I have worked out need just a couple of lbs off to make 2 Stone 7 Lbs! Am sure will make this so am on target for my aim of another Stone off by week 10. I am still doing well on the drinking front, but apart from the previous weigh in of 6lbs not helped this weeks average to increase. I know just being greedy now.

I am really happy to be over half way through foundation and starting to feel food is in sight. Don't get me wrong I'm not wishing I was eating or dreaming about it, but I am thinking about what healthy choices I want to make in the future. Not because the diet book says so, but because I want to. I have been thinking about what I may do on my birthday (not till June and after the 100 days are up). This is because others have /will be going on holiday, attending events/birthdays etc and have said they have either eaten or will be doing. I had put this thinking eventually to rest last time it was playing on my mind, but I wondered if maybe I should allow myself either a healthy meal out or make one for my birthday? Not sure if crooked thoughts, but I hope to be quite close to my goal and have told myself if this is for the rest of my life (eating well/healthy), then why not? Will probably see how I feel nearer the time and I think need to give myself permission either way.

On a real positive stroke note, on Monday I had a induction meeting with a new worker from another team to tell her about my role and do introductions of my staff. I went to see my boss, current staff team, and people I used to manage. In total four sets of people who had not seen me for a while said I looked great and noticed my weight loss. I have to say I felt quite embarrassed by the end as I was still showing this women around the building, but I did thank people and give them a twirl. As the comments increased going around the building I started to believe I do look different more and more. I was also wearing clothes I had got out the 'Too Small Box' and found they fit, and the two skirts had on so far are even a bit big really. Both 18's, however as we all know, were smaller 18's than the ones I had been wearing which have gone into the 'Too Big Box'.

Day 46 - Good & Bad!

BAD -

Today it took me over an extra hour to get to work due to an accident on my normal route. Instead of panicking about all the jobs I had to do, and the meeting I was likely to miss I felt calm. I wasn't going to get to work any faster was I? Clearly I have been delayed before but instead of thinking of how inconvenient it was to me, I only had to think about those and their families in the accident.

Anyway, got to work and had a most unproductive day. Just could not be bothered even though had some admin time, which is much sort after, to get some key task done. Ultimately spoke to few people, read emails and hopefully offered some sensible advice to a colleague who upset about ever increasing workload.

Thought a walk around the shops would clear my mind at lunchtime and add to the steps. As I walked around the smells of and people with food in their hands seemed to have NEON over them! Not sure what that was about. It was never an option to eat, but I did find myself weighing up how crap I would feel if ate a chicken,bacon & cheese baguette from GREGGS!!!!!!!
I also noticed the generally out of shape people eating such stuff and convinced myself it was not the place I want to be anymore.

I managed to distract myself with a trip into Debenham's to see if any cheap bargains on the racks as meant to be 70% sale. Grabbed a handful and tried them on (two size 16 Jeans & three size 14 tops, the latter I was hopeing would come in when lost more weight as reduced quite a lot). First Jeans were Boot Cut so was looking forward to confirming had lost 2 Stone!!!!!! How wrong I was. My current 18's from Next are very baggy however these 16's (Red Herring) were snug in all the intimate places shall we say, albeit I was able to fasten them. The next jeans I tried on were straight leg and I could not even get them on. Over to the tops ...... First one I managed to squeeze on after much adjustment and the sound of very stretched stitching (eventually discovered it was a bloody size 12 on the 14 hanger), along with another with an elasticated bit and bat wings made me think I had not lost any weight at all. The final one was easier to get on but looked awful with Jeans. Feeling rather dejected I gave the x2 tops and one of the pairs of jeans back to the assistant. I decided to buy the SNUG Jeans and top on the basis the Jeans were reduced from £30 to £9 and the top from£25 to £6 and will fit a few pounds down the line or I could return them within 28 days if push came to shove. I also popped back over to the original sale rack and found a real size 14 and bought that.

Back to work, still demotivated, drank more coffee than wanted and struggled to get the water down me.

GOOD -

In sorting out everybodys school, nursery and work outfits for Tuesday I started going through my wardrobe to see if any of the two pairs of work trousers I have with labels still attached, size 16's would fit yet as my only been wearing 2/3 week others look silly and too baggy which will wear for the rest of this week.

First pair fit, look nice and could wear now but would benefit with a few more pounds off. Second, different shop, are already too loose! After showing hubby have decided on balance rather than wear either of them, will keep labels on and see if can recoup some of my wasted money and get them on EBAY.

Next I thought would try on again today's haul and showed hubby. I have to say (children still up) he had a twinkle in his eye and said for one I needed a smaller size (bless him). The original 12 that I thought was a 14 looked nice enough to wear now, as did the other 14 with different bottoms on. I felt so chuffed. I then showed him the jeans, however I looked at myself again and realised I do look slimmer in the new ones compared to my current baggy 18's. Hubby really liked them too and said I could wear them now. I do value his opinion as I can see in his face if tells me the truth or not!

Again as said above, go to the wrong shop and the item does not fit can make you feel like you haven't achieved anything. I feel really happy now about my bargains and look forward to thinning out more clothes soon.

Off for my last pack of the day, and hopefully another Litre of water

Night Night.

PS got my new hair straighters.

So hot I burned my head this morning. What a liability! LOL

Day 44 - Weigh Day!

Shall cut to the chase ...... Lost 6 LBS this week!

I have now reached just over my Two Stone loss in 6 weeks.

I didn't believe my LLC when she told me. It seems the increased water is the way to go, so have started from today to fill in the water log in my Record Book. My personal aim each day, or perhaps 4/5 days out of 7 is have at least 5 litres. If I can only manage the 4 litres other days then think that is fine.

As promised to myself will be taking a trip into town Sunday to find my hair straighteners. I can't wait. My friend has reminded me I need to think about my next incentive. I think that must be my trip to Leeds shopping with the girls on 5th May.


This week we looked at Hot Thoughts and keeping a Thought Diary. The LLC gave examples and I decided to share my Salsa Night experience. I felt chuffed I am getting the counselling, as some, although we are at different stages/weeks have said they are not quite there. Talking this through at the group has made me realise I will succeed at this, I understand myself (most of the time) and I am pleased to say that some of my groups of friends are taking away bits of what I discuss with them into their own life. So much so, my suggestion of bowling weeks ago needs to get sorted as an alternative to meal out and booze.

One lady at the weigh in today has now got a BMI of 24. She is really happy and wants to reach a personal goal of loosing 3 stone in total. She does not have far to go now, and I think she is about Week 9. She has bagged up the smaller clothes as they have become too big but has decided not to get rid of them. She says she has done this before on past diets. I asked her if she believed she had cracked it this time? She is not sure it's fair to say mentally and still thinks she is overweight. She looks lovely!!!!!!

I spoke to my LLC about my feelings around the BMI. She confirmed lots of people feel like this, but whatever I decide she will support me nearer the time which I thought was great. I do feel better about it now and already started to think maybe I could loose a bit more than 10st 7lbs?

Anyway thanks for the as ever brill advice. I do need to cross the bridge when I come to it and today I am happy with 2 Stone off and the control I have back in my life.

Time for me to gather the children up now after having a totally disgusting mushroom soup. It seems I have now gone off this one too. I have promised my oldest that we could soak our feet in the foot spa and be girly and then we could cut our claws.

Well it's 5 litres down, can manage another before bed. Hopefully catch up with all the BLOGS when babies finally gone to bed,

Sam xx

Day 43 - BMI

I have finally got round to looking at a healthy BMI for my height to enable me to try and get some idea what weight I would be happy with and set some real goals.

I knew my ideal weight range was 8st.2lbs - 9st.3lbs, however I think I thought above those weights there was some leeway and still be within a healthy BMI. I always believed that those weights were far too low for me.

I sort of was getting my head into thinking 10st 7lbs was probably a good weight for me, as like most of us this weight had not been achieved for too many years to mention. Also I thought I would be pushing myself that bit further.

Well, I realise now to have a healthy BMI of just above 24, I need to weigh around 9st 5lbs. I feel really, really gutted! I can feel my motivation for the diet running out of me, and I don't think I have felt like this any other time over the weeks.

Maybe I shouldn't of looked at the BMI charts, or perhaps I am going through what everybody else does eventually. IE thinking that the low weights are far too hard to achieve, then look back at this time and laugh when we realise we have surpassed the higher end of a healthy BMI!!!!!!!!

HELP Me ........

I do not know what 9st something looks like but I know I do not want to be skin and bone. I also do not want to feel like living at that weight is such an effort. Now I do not mean my food demons, I understand the life long sentence. What I mean is trying to maintain 9st means less food than 10st 7lbs (doesn't it). I realise I can't return to my old eating habits but that's very different to eating like a mouse and claiming I'm full after eating a salad.

Please somebody give me advice on this one as do not want to give up.

I remember when I did WW many many moons ago. Well I did well, but perhaps half to a stone off target I spent weeks messing about, or so I thought. I could not get past my then current weight, and I have to say I looked good. I was also really active in various sports/exercise classes etc. Eventually I stopped going as did not want to admit defeat and pick my own weight to stick to rather than their ideal. I kept the weight off for a year, but gradually put it back on. My biggest regret I did not do their maintenance plan.

This situation is making me feel like the WW scenario!!!!!

Day 40 - Water Plan

I have recovered after my Salsa Night and not thought of a takeaway since. Thanks to those of you who were checking to make sure I'd not gone over the edge!

I have not always been getting enough water down me, and it seems noticeable the people that do are having an even better weight loss than me, so set myself a challenge on work days. It's hard when travelling or in meetings and you are not sure where your next toilet is! (or the opportunity!).

Yesterday and today I managed to drink one litre on the way and another litre on the way back from work. I also marked down how many glasses of water had in work with the minimum expectation I have one litre in the morning and another in the afternoon. This was easy to manage so by 6pm I have had four litres. Then as a bonus I manage at least another litre during the evening without having to drink up till bedtime and making frequent trips to the loo during the night.

As another incentive I have found another draw of smaller clothes and am back in some black cropped trousers I used to live in HE HE. Could do with a few more pounds lost around the bottom, but know I wore them previously when tighter than this!!!!!

I have also gone through my current stock of clothes and removed all the maternity tops I still wear!!!! Not to go out in, but around the house and garden as comfy clothes. I eventually realised that they were also doing nothing for my smaller figure and in any case I have plenty of scruffs in smaller sizes to chill out in. I have added them to the rest of the maternity wear just in case ......

It's weigh day on Saturday and am 4lbs off to get to my 2 stone off. If I just miss it, it will be off the week after and either way I can't grumble for 6 weeks work. I am going to treat myself to new hair straightners. (been saying this for years and always convinced myself I did not reach the goal I set and did not deserve them).

Therefore have just over 8 weeks to go on Foundation and my thoughts have turned to working out how much I could loose by the end. I know we have all talked about this previously but this helps to motivate me. Am trying not to set silly goals, but clearly am in line for another stone off, and hope like mad make it 2 in the next 8 weeks. We'll have to see.

I am determined that whatever happens when I feel happy, healthy and trim I will settle at that weight, and not let anybody tell me I need to loose more! Not going to make the same previous WW mistake and ruin my hard earned weight loss because will not conform to somebody else ideal.

Day 37 - Weigh Day & Salsa Dance Party!!!

Attended my group today and looked at Crooked Thoughts. These are the all or nothing statements we tell ourselves like one of my past personal favourites ..... 'I'm crap at diets and can never stick to them for more than a week'. The idea for this weeks homework is to look at x3 achievements per day and log them. I assume this is to help us realise things are generally not as bad as we sometimes tell ourselves and we all usually have some positives each day.

This week I have lost 3Ibs, so am very pleased. Truth be told was hoping for 3.5Ibs as want to loose 2 stone by next week! I know, never satisfied. Will just have to work my ass off and do an aerobics class this week or something. In reality I know I have lost 2 Stone (naked) remembering past higher weights so I am still chuffed. I also realised when weighed self this morning that in the scheme of things I am not too far away from nudging just under the 12 st mark! I cannot remember the last time I was 11st something!!!!! HE HE

Tonight my friend and I went to a salsa party arranged by our salsa teacher. The ticket cost £6 and included a dance lesson as well as admission to the club till 1am. Cheap bar, well it would be for me and I enjoyed plenty of soda water with St Clements. Felt good water wise as managed the 4 litres early in the day which was a first. The Party was open to everyone and we met people from other classes in Nottingham as well as Derby. I really enjoyed the lesson and he showed us even more moves. These are getting far too intimate for my liking. LOL. Steph, have you tried the one where you interlock your elbows, move around and are far too close for comfort? We then move up and down!

After that, the people who had been dancing for at least a couple of months had a lesson which was great to watch. They looked really professional. I did feel a little sad and wished hubby was there, however I accept it's just not his bag. Eventually it was just left to people to dance like any normal disco, well with Salsa music only. Again it was lovely to watch people and as I said to my friend, if we wanted to, we could of either danced together or with the men scattered about.

However as the evening wore on I suddenly had a thought that I needed something to eat/a takeaway!

Where did that come from as I know as was not actually hungry, but in any case I had a bar in my bag which I could munch on. I eventually realised that my sudden urge to eat was because I was out of my comfort zone. Whenever I go to a club, whether with or without alcohol, if the music is right I can dance. I can also choose to dance with or without friends if I so wish. At the Salsa Party I felt out of control because I neither had my own man to dance with, or if quite honest didn't want to dance with some of the misfits strolling around (sorry to be unkind ..... but I did feel at least relieved I was not on the look out for a partner as would of been very disappointed. Note to self, touch wood so Hubby does not decide to leave me, LOL).

Once I realised the reason for the emotional hunger I started to return to normality again. I suppose I knew I was a bit of a control freak on some levels but was also shocked a little that a simple thing like the party could of set me off on a downward spiral (had I been eating) and I would not of worked out why. If made a poor food choice I think I would of told myself how rubbish I was for not sticking to the diet. I then thought about how many other occasions I may of eaten due to being out of my comfort zone, not realised and eaten for the world!

I have to say I am loving LL for making me so self aware. I hope so much once I return to food I don't forget all this and can remember all these things for life.