REFOCUS DAY 3 - I'M HUNGRY!!!!!!

STRESS, STRESS, EMOTIONS, STRESS, DEMANDS, MORE STRESS & DEALING WITH OTHERS EMOTIONS!

Today I could describe as a stinker. I did get up an hour earlier to finish my emails which I felt was time well spent. I seem to be entering the Feel Awake In The Morning Chapter of LL which is a bonus. First emotion was when I asked if Hubby could take girls to Nursery as wanted to finish my tasks, plus I had a meeting first thing nearer home than work, so may as well go straight there. I was immediately faced with one of his FACES and no ANSWER. I repeated my request and he reluctantly said yes. I then went into a whirl of .....'Tell you what, I will feel guilty for asking the children's father to take some part in childcare shall I', or words to that effect. How Bloody dare he. I actually felt good that I said my piece and did not sit seething and dwelling on the whole matter which hubby would be completely oblivious to anyway.

I also felt a big rush of ..... 'I'm Back' (which translates as not apologising for being me, my opinions or existence).

First rung of the emotions dealt with.

Next were back in the work zone.

Won't bore you with the whole sagas but today had to deal with more excuses for something not done AGAIN from one member of staff, tears, failed relationships, a procession of staff wanting to talk about everything under the sun with no break even for a wee most of the time, passing the buck of their own work responsibilities (to me generally - Have people not heard of personal responsibility for their own work?), Having to meet with my boss to discuss a complaint about the said staff not doing work, and still others were trying to shoe horn in my attendance at meetings/conversations about triv.

I would normally make my way over to some food establishment to help me get through the day. Of course I would also have pre-ordered in my head what takeaway I would be having once children in bed (mainly so I could eat to myself!!!) and goes without saying the wine or even a can of sweet cider would be opened as soon as I had finished tucking the last child in.

When I look back at these poor coping mechanism, it looks so dam stupid that I resorted to this. It would not resolve the work stuff, just numb the pain for that evening.

What I actually did today was go about my day very busy, but with humour about how popular I had been today and still manged to get my job done. I don't feel guilty or emotionally empty as I normally would. I am not feeling hurt by my hubbys reaction or staff attempting to blame me as the reason they had not met their deadlines. If only I could always cope like this. Don't get me wrong food did cross my mind, but when you are abstinence it's not an option.

I found it much harder to deal with when eating. I could convince myself that my food choices were good when actually they were quite poor. Worse I would convince myself that my good food choices were bad!!!! I would then feel bad and if I could not snap out of it go on to make poor food choices for the rest of the day/week/month as to reinforce how poor the original choice was.

Achievements -

1. 2 packs so far, and for first time tried a savoury soup pack - very nice and satisfied my hunger until later;
2. Dealt with some triggers on mass;
3. writing BLOG at reasonable time again;
4. Am nearly day 3 down and hope to be in ketosis soon;
5. Can see how silly abusing my body with food after a hard day numbs things only.

Symptoms -

Apart from a few occasions when felt hungry, felt good. As said above woke earlier then my alarm and felt quite refreshed. No headache and feel my skin looks quite clear, although the odd break out. Even they seemed to disappear quite quickly. However forgot how much weeing involved and so up even in the night to empty my bladder.

Final Thoughts -

As I looked through an old LL magazine, I re-read some of the success stories. I always like the ones where the women are my height and had similar amounts to lose. I read one who had lost 4st 2lbs in 3 months. It suddenly dawned on me that although I have put some weight back on, if I didn't cheat, drank plenty of water and got my finger out ... I could get this cracked in 6 weeks. It made me feel positive again so hope I have a good loss Thursdays.

See Ya

Sam xx