ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sick of this, or should I say myself?
Day 2, and my day started with such promise.
A vanilla coffee pack for breakfast, a soup for dinner and then a potato coquette that nobody wanted. This then spread into a toast spree. Before I knew it I had convinced the youngest daughter to join me for a trip to the shops under the guise of getting some emergency supplies. However I knew I would end up in Greggs getting a bun of some description!!!!!!
Mission accomplished, bun eaten and now looking for more food. Maybe I should of been a bear and am simply getting ready for hibernation?
How on earth am I going to sort my life out?
The simplistic answer to all this is that I no longer want to be slim anymore, so therefore do not have the drive and enthusiasm to sustain me.
However I do want to be slim, but I must admit want it without having to put the effort in.
I am really busy at the moment due to work, children, projects and x2 courses. However I know these are stressful and have triggers within them BUT .... I am still going to undertake all these things whether I have x4 packs a day or comfort myself with food.
I also have to admit more recently the toast and other fixes have not even comforted me, and in actual fact I have felt uncomfortably full and not enjoyed them even for the split second of dining at the table of binge.
The more I continue the more I know I have addiction written all over me. I keep trying to tell myself having a food addiction is not a better option than being an alcoholic. It is still no good for my body, mind or purse.
So how do I get out of this hole? I know I don't like being overweight, but let's face it I didn't like it for 20+ years but I still was on/off.
Does this mean I have to wait another 20 years for the planets to align and I have the dogged determination to do it again??
Already I am thinking about what I could eat tonight from one of the takeaway establishments and telling myself I'll start from Sunday morning and all will be different and right in the world. I know, classic addiction behaviour but I just don't know what to do.
May well be back later for more moaning
Sam xx
2 comments:
Sam - don't beat yourself up. It is genuinely hard work to change your eating habits. It's not as simple as 'how much do you want it?'.
I tried to lose weight to qualify for fertility treatment. If I let myself I could really torture myself for not letting this major reason spur me on to lose the weight. The thing is (and we all know it), it only takes one bad week to be back to square one after several good weeks. Let's be a bit kinder to ourselves and recognise that small steps forward accumulate!
You're back on the blog and the support is there for you whenever you want it.
Yeah, don't look back, look forward and re-focus! You know you want to be slim and you know you CAN be slim. The trouble with making bad choices is that they tend to accumulate; you make one, then it's easier to make another and before you know it you can't remember what it feels like to make a good choice!
You start thinking that the only thing that will make you feel better is the bad choice. Actually this is not true, if you can persevere even once with resisting, you'll remind yourself that making good choices can feel satisfying. Hard to believe I know but it can. Then, like the bad choices accumulating, the good ones do too (only much more slowly and with much more accompanying pain of course!!).
You CAN do it. Make a good choice tonight about no takeaway and teach yourself that it can feel good again. Like you did before. Maybe read some of your old posts about how vibrant and energetic and pleased with yourself you felt when you were in the zone on LL.
I have faith in you, go for it!
Lesley xx
Lesley x
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