The last 3 days have been tough but got easier each day. I have read that people have struggled getting back on track after a binge, but only really understood it once been there myself. Anybody thinking about it or even considering continuing with a binge I do not recommend it.
I think I have just summed up what happened during a conversation with David when I told him I was not going to attend a couple of things coming up. To be honest I was never keen on attending them in the first place so can't attribute that to my current feelings.
I told David that somewhere along the line I took my eye off the ball, became increasingly relaxed around food and became complacent because I am near my goal.
The binge has left me with an unpleasant glimpse at some of my old feelings and habits. The first is of course feeling out of control. I felt 'FAT' for the first time in ages, full of self doubt and did not feel happy and confident about my body image. I felt like I did not want to join in/attend things rather than giving myself that extra push to get out of the door. I realise too I probably was feeling some anxiety about starting my new role at work this week which went towards the negativity and destructive behaviour that has happened over the previous days. Physically I have felt and looked bloated and uncomfortable; have awful and uncontrollable wind; breath is horrid; felt hungry and the list goes on. The bloat, although better has gone on for days which I am surprised about.
I have weighed myself each morning (nothing new for some weeks!) to see if can work out what damage I have caused. To be honest I think at worse I will stay the same. Unless the weight boomerangs back on for Saturday, I should of still lost a tad. I have to accept unlikely to get my 4 stone loss at the end of foundation, but feel comfortable taking responsibility for that.
At this weeks class will take the Management books to read and no doubt make preparations to plan the first few meals. However I intend to take full packs for the next week and feel my eye is back on the prize. I do not want to feel like I have failed/done half a job like I did at WW all those years ago. I believe it's likely I will loose a bit more in the first few weeks on Management, but know I can't rely on a full stone.
A few things my LLC said to me when I confessed to her have stuck in my head, and I feel make a lot of sense. She said in reality that it may not take as long as I think to get to my goal as I believe it will in my head. Secondly she said that Management is hard enough without trying to loose more weight, and I really need to be going into it from the point of abstinence (not binging!!). She knows how I feel about failing and said she doesn't want me to feel like I have by not getting to my goal. I must say she is a great LLC and I am so glad it never worked out with the Nottingham one. Just shows you things happen for a reason, even if at the time you are not so sure.
No comments:
Post a Comment