Day 86 - Weigh In!

Lost 1lb this week! Have to say felt disappointed as had expected as a minimum 2/3lbs following usual standards. That said had on very light clothes last week, when usually wear jeans each week. Today had on my new pair , therefore I knew it was a possibility the lost weight on the scales was not going to be huge. Still it's yet another reminder how damaged my thought process is when it comes to scales, weight loss and how it affects my mood.

I must say had a wonderful group again today and my slight dissapointment left quite quickly. Now have two weigh ins until the end of Foundation, so will cross my fingers for a 6lbs loss to take me to 4 stone!

As the group is at different levels as said before, this week was actually week 14 in the program (some of us are wk13, 12 & 11 in reality). We completed our feedback sheet in the back of the Foundation book and handed that into our LLC at the same time as the wk 3 one we all did. Plus another one about why we were overweight. This included reasons such a slow metabolism, having children, lack of exercise and comfort eating. My first reason for being overweight was comfort eating. Did not use any of the excuses like slow metabolism.

After this we talked through the positives, negatives & any regrets of the last weeks (P 140).

The last exercise we did was to all take a blank piece of paper and add our names. We then had to pass it on to the person next to us and note down a positive about them. The paper was then folded over so your answer could not be seen by the next person and passed on each time to the person next to you until you got your own back. By the end we all had a full dose of positives strokes, and I felt this supplemented the Self Esteem Quiz I did on Mrs BLOG Page. There were less people today for one reason or another, but mine said -

• Very positive/inspiration
• Supportive, Friendly
• Support & cheerfulness, stroking
• She is the sparkle on your Xmas tree, always positive.

How lovely is that? I felt really happy with that & helped me realise I am not a fat miserable, Worse Case Scenario (WCS) girl who can't be bothered to go out with her friends! There are other things I think of myself that I could add, but I would be here all afternoon. Once again it just goes to show you we can have certain images of ourselves which are completely incorrect or somewhat skewed from reality. Yes I am the WCS person, but I'm not all the time every day of the week. The same with being miserable. I know with the latter trait this is something I also remember one of my sisters in particular calling me and it has stuck so much. When in reality as a young women growing up I was just being a teenager who had lost both parents (aunts, uncles, dogs, friends to name but a few), had a string of undesirable boyfriends and was starting to make my place in the world. Nevertheless I even remember examples of one sister agreeing with a particular boyfriend that I was stroppy and in effect he did well to put up with it. Wheres the solidarity in that sis?

I feel like I need to qualify this and say I love my sisters (they are twins and like chalk and cheese. I used to name them the soft sister and hard one! I also have a brother who will be 58yrs) who have been there for me in so many ways it makes me cry thinking about how lucky I was and still am to have them in my life. They are from a completely different time and generation to me (they are 55yrs), and have not had any of the opportunities that were either offered to me or in reality I took. So much so they both still live together and always will. I know one sister has turned down marriage proposals and both put their lives on hold to care for people, including our mum who had cancer for many years before dying. They also had their father who one of them would visit every night to keep him company, clean & make a dinner for him (all after going to work FT). I sometimes went with them as a child and I assume this began when our mother and their father separated. It continued until he died too.

After he died I remember thinking they could have a life now, but then they started looking after our next door neighbour who became more frail, ill and eventually died over the years. I felt cross and said so sometimes that she had children and where were they looking after their mother? That said she was a lovely lady who was friends with our mum and her family didn't live close, I just thought what a bloody injustice for my sisters. After watching my sisters taking on more and more roles whether it was down to them or not, I decided I would never do that. Therefore when I met David (not first date or anything) I made it clear I would never, ever be having his parents or other family members to live with us if they became ill or whatever reason. I also made clear I would not be a carer for anybody and be visiting people on a daily basis. This view is so matter a fact and out in the open in David's and my family now. Of course I would not be abandoning anybody, but would not let it take over whatever life I have left, nor will I expect my girls to look after D avid & I. My sisters fully support it and talk about what they had to do and how it did have an impact on their own lives. Sadly some years ago Davids Dad had a stroke which eventually meant he could not go home. He now lives in a home near David's mum (in fact that's where David and the girls are now).

Look, I've done it again. Started off positive and now dragging up the past. I suppose one way or another it's all relevant on this voyage of discovery. As Lesely comments, there is no point doing the BLOG without being honest.

With the house to myself, I think I will go and try on a few clothes .....