Have returned from my market research music night. Blimey we earned our money tonight!!!! There were 750 quick snippets of music from past to present day. We had to comment on whether we hated the song, knew it through to loving it. At first it was great, after hours I was sick to death of music. A few tracks made me smile or almost cry due to the associations they had. There was no fear of having to negotiate the buffet either as no time or inclination at break time. Anyway, that's £30 towards the clothes fund.
Got home about 10pm, and David said he had not long get home with the girls (now sleeping in bed). After Olivia's swimming lesson he decided to take them out for a drive and ended up at Gunthorpe. Who should shout him as they began to walk but his sister, hubby and their youngest daughter on their boat. They bought a second hand one over a year ago, and we still had not been to see it! David said they all climbed aboard and the girls had a great time.
I feel today has been a really really brill day and wish it could be like this more often. (Not sure if it's about my attitude). I took the girls to the play centre in Derby ..... they all loved it, I felt relaxed and I didn't even get lost to/from. It struck me today how different Olivia and Ella are. It used to be so painful taking Olivia anywhere like that as she would cling to one of us. Ella arrived, took her shoes off and was happy to wander off around the play equipment with or without her sister and their friend. She would pop back occasionally like the others for a drink and the loo. I could see them all playing. I felt like I enjoyed being a mum today and felt that was what it was all about. We arrived at 11am and did not leave until 3.30pm. As David said earlier, they have all had value for money out of today. Hopefully will enjoy the creche, maybe a trip to the library and aunty visit tommrow just as much.
To add to my happines, opened my emails and have a reply about a possible placement that I will need to do if I apply for a counselling course to start 2008. She has asked me to contact the manger of placements early next week and arrange to meet him with a view to the said placement 2008. How brill is that, not in the bag of course but at least they want to see me. I then thought about the extra hours I have agreed to do at work and have told myself once again if I can only get on a course which is in the week, I will do it and sod the extra cash. I have wanted to pursue this forever and will do what it takes.
I feel so happy, in control and clear of where I want to go I am tearful again. Is it my hormones? the only fly (a small one anyway) is that I fleetingly wonder what is going to happen in my perfect life to knock me back to reality. I am not dwelling but it is my nature to be 'The Worse Case Scenario Women'. It's not always obvious to the outside world, but I just like to be prepared.
Getting a bit deeper now .........
I think it stems back to loosing a number of key family members, including my mum and the equivalent to my dad in a short space of time at a young age. I distinctly remember telling myself in the funeral car for my mum that nothing and nobody would ever be as bad as this day/time in my life. I vowed to refuse to let anybody in to be hurt like that again. Don't get me wrong I had and do have positive relationships with people after that point. I just had that period as a measure of unhappiness. Not sure anybody reading will get this, but here goes. I love David with everything, however I have worse case scenarioed him not being in my life one way or another many times. I wish to stress I want him in my life and is my soul mate, but ....... I have already calculated I would survive. However the only people I could not safeguard myself from the hurt would be Olivia and Ella.
OK, not ending on that note.
Back to the playcentre. Last time I was there I was FAT. This time I was slimmer and felt normal again like like commented in a previous post. So much so, If I lost sight of any of them I jumped on the equipment and ran around like the other parents. He He, who cares if my bum looks big in this, it's nolonger the biggest!
Night Folks xx
2 comments:
Yes, the idea of motherhood is full of days like yours at the playcentre but, from what I can tell, those days are few and far apart because real life intrudes. Well done for making a good day happen and appreciating it and hopefully you'll be able to make a few more hapen soon. That sounds great.
I'm sure the First Big Hurt is the worst anyway. You will, sadly, have learned how to protect yourself and sensibly know that nothing you would knock you back as much as losing your mother did (other than, the worst thing that can happen to any Mum which you obviously can't protect yorself against). Makes sense to me.
Good luck with your placement and enjoy the rest of half term.
Lesley x
A counselling course is a fantastic idea, I did CTI Counselling Skills Certificate a couple of years ago and it was the best course I have ever done. I haven't used it professionally, but the whole journey of it is amazing. You'll learn so much about yourself it's frightening, but well worth it.
So fingers crossed you manage to get your placement, sounds like something you are really keen to do.
Glad to hear you're enjoying being a Mum, it is nice when you can have days to really enjoy kid(s), but like Lesley said, it's unfortunate that the hum drum real life gets in the way sometimes. It's a case of making the best of days like these.
Take care,
Mel x
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