Day 81 - Cadbury's World!

Thanks for the so supportive comments on my BLOG. It has really made me smile and feel a warm glow. Reading and posting with you all has made a huge difference to the overall package of getting rid of my weight, and hopefully keeping it off! I will get around to photos when have selected some as well as some vital statistics as I know it helps me to keep motivated seeing how well we can do dieting.

We all went to Cadbury's World today, and only just home. Had a great time although it was heaving with people. I think it's an excellent idea booking you time slot on the tour, otherwise it would be so unknown how long you would have to wait for everything as well as availability. The only downside was that you had to queue for almost everything! Not always for a long time, but that became a little boring. On the other side it was well organised and once you had paid to get in (cost us £41 - Ella was free and also bought an activity book for Olivia and a brochure about Cadbury's) technically you did not need to pay anymore if took a packed lunch. Anybody looking for a day out for the family or friends, I certainly recommend it as long as you are not a choco-holic. I commented to David that if we were going to Kebab World I would of been in trouble!

http://www.cadburyworld.co.uk/en/cworld

For those of you who have not been, at almost every turn you are given loads of free chocolate as well as being offered a small cup of melted milk chocolate with the option to add different sweets and flavours. David had sports mixtures and milk chocolate , while the girls had a cup of choc on its own each. I was not sure what I was going to do as the time approached to get them, but it all happened so fast, I removed myself from the queue and helped the girls. I did not get one. They smelt lovely, just like a school cookery lesson when you make rice crispy cakes and melt the large slab of chocolate over the bowl of hot water. To be honest a really comforting smell as I loved school.

While we queued for the main exhibition and tour around the site, David and the girls were happy eating. Olivia asked me if I wanted to try it? Again, I did reason it out in my mind and had a lick of a spoon of chocolate. It was delicious, but I left it at that. Rather than feeling like I have failed for trying it (But David did look at me with complete and utter shock, however he denies this!) I felt strangely confident, in control and clear headed. That said I would of loved more of the stuff and watched as both Olivia and Ella eventually put the remaining cup of soft milky chocolate in the bin, as quite rightly they had had enough. I know pre LL I would of finished them off as hate waste. Even 'Wasting' something did not tug at my heart strings as much as it did 11 weeks ago.

I was tested again when we went in the shop. Loads of offers, huge bars and novelty chocolates. I opted for a new key ring to remind me of the day rather than any chocolate to have when I am able to eat a little. I did debate it for a while, but I knew if I bought something it would just eat away at my brain as I knew it was exclusively for me until it had gone! Got a new flavour for a friend and David got a few things. The girls only wanted a Cadbury's sticker and off we went home. wallet and Purse lighter but feeling we had made the effort to take the girls out.

A success!

One issues I am less confident about was our stop off at a service station on the way back. It had a M & S so we got a selection of Sandwiches and snacks for the way home as would be too late for a meal when we got back to Nottingham. As I passed around the food to the rest of my family, my mind wandered to what would happen when I can eat? Olivia and ell did not like the SW we settled on, David did not want it either so it was wasted. I could of eaten it. It was a egg mayo and ham roll with lettuce. I looked at the food label during the drive back and noted it was low GI, only had about 330 calories and not too bad fat wise. It was marked as a healthy alternative, I was pleasantly surprised and commented to David. I did mention my fears about what I would do when I could eat, and said I would probably of eaten the sushi, but maybe this roll would of been OK. Man of few words is David, and he just said not to worry about it and that LL would let me know how I would manage this situation.

I know he is right, but my nature is impatient and I sort of want somebody to tell me that I will still be able to have a takeaway, eat out, visit friends and pick nice things of a holiday menu. I feel really frightened of the thought of being told in management that I can never do these things ever ever again. That said, I realise I cannot return to old eating habits and forget exercise once I am at goal. I love salad with protein, like the GI principles and hope I can return at least in part back to the Food Doctors/Ian Marber philosophy. Obviously most of us have tried the willpower method before, and one way or another it's not worked for me on a ongoing basis. I accept it's about making choices, I just hope I can do this forever.

I don't want to be negative at this leg of the race, but I am only posting what I have felt to a greater or lesser extent through the program. The only difference now I have have 3 weeks left on foundation, and hopefully a small stint in development.

Off to bed now, David is back at work Tuesday but I am off with the girls all week. More activities to be had but hopefully a quieter one tomorrow to recover.

PS - had on a new pair of size 14 Jeans on today. Snug, but nevertheless on. As I wandered around today I felt like a normal wife & mum. Not the fat wife & mum who has let herself go! That felt good.

Night Night xx

Will catch up with you all Tuesday