Day 64 - In the Exercise Zone!

It's been a funny old week with some highs as well as some unexpected lows. More of that later.

I finally think I am back in the exercise zone and not that going through the motions of doing exercise but preferring to be elsewhere feeling either! Just back from Aerobics and did Abs Blast again this morning. Have booked the same classes for next Friday too. Have also booked Aerobics for Tuesday night, and again hope to be doing that on a weekly basis as I did before starting LL. I kept getting a glimpse of myself in the mirror and feeling proud of how far I had come. Today I wore a sporty sleeveless hooded top which has been in my wardrobe for years. I never felt confident enough to wear it before, but felt great and ultimately NORMAL. I was no longer the fattest one in the class puffing and panting. I also have to admit even though I must of lost some of my stamina, it was easier moving around being nearly 3 Stone lighter.

As I kissed my daughters goodnight before going to Aerobics, Ella watched me put my trainers on and said in a cheerful voice ...... 'Are you going to the gym mummy?'. I answered yes and felt positive that my girls see a mummy who goes out, enjoys sport/activities as well as looking after them.

My sister came to see me this afternoon after she finished work, and usually collects some chips on the way for her dinner (in the past I would of joined her) and brought some for Ella - a so called child's portion (which I shared with Olivia later too). Anyway, I made a vegetable soup and sat down with them to eat. She asked if I was still dieting and felt sorry for me. I said it's fine as David and I will be eating our meal together later. She was happy with that and I surprised myself with the speed of the excuse. Clearly I still haven't told her about LL. I know she will just worry especially as I begin to loose the next stones. She hasn't said it yet, but I am sure the comments will come about 'NOT GOING TOO FAR'.

At work had two more colleagues who not seen me for a while shocked in a pleased way with my weight loss. One said I am half the women I used to be!

Now for the unexpected lows ........

On Tuesday went to another Salsa Party with Natalie. It's the end of our beginners course and we receive a certificate before we start the next level next week. I wore some of my old smaller clothes and felt confident. However in essence it was CRAP!!!!!!! and a complete waste of cash. I forgot my water flavour too so felt like a sado drinking my already flavoured bottle of water while everybody else was drinking mainly alcohol (not that I wanted any, but once again only Natalie knows I am doing LL!). Once again I felt like CRAP, returned home, felt upset and chatted to David about it which was great. He actually knew what I was talking about as had similar feelings (in terms of going out with friends, and wanting to come home after a while).

In essence I left at 9pm, wanted to leave earlier as bored, bored, bored and not really that interested in going through the motions of being sociable with my salsa group. The whole evening was SHIT, I was clearly not bothered by the buffet on offer ..... but I did reflect and wondered if I would of medicated with the buffet had I not been on LL to make myself feel better?

I then felt angry/paranoid that Natalie would of told people I was doing LL, and that was why I didn't have any buffet.

The learning from this is ...... Think before accepting an invitation. If I don't want to do it, don't and stop trying to support others at your own detriment. I have done this most of my life from a young age and I do not want to do it anymore. Ultimately I had doubts when I was invited and I wished I had gone to Aerobics!

Also at work had a strange moment with a colleague who I sit next to. Not sure have mentioned her before, but we have not worked together long so are still getting to know each other but enjoy some funny banter. We chatted on Tuesday about what we got up to at the weekend, so I told her I went for a skin analysis at Elemis and told her about what they said (one wrinkle forming, poor skin, open pores, not as much sun damage as I thought etc). I said I was prompted to go as I had used Clinque for many years and wanted a change. At which point she laughed and told me she uses Dove to wash her face and couldn't imagine anybody saying they were bored of Clinque! She also asked, as she has done before, where do I find the time to go out, exercise, look after my skin. I successfully laughed it off and we eventually got on with our work. I think this comment just tapped into how I have been feeling in terms of whether I am spending too much time/money on myself, you know with the extra baths, gym, salsa, always trying on clothes and experimenting with different looks now I am slimmer and making time to pamper myself . I kept telling myself I am actually quite low maintenance by some women's standards IE washing my face with Clinque in the shower each morning, then a quick wipe with the toner and a bit of moisturiser, I can never be bothered to do the nightime part, which is probably why my skin is so poor at the moment.

So for the second time on Tuesday I felt uncomfortable and out of control which I am sure would of resulted in too much comfort food. Had other uncomfortable moments, but were part of the same coin when I shared with somebody about LL. I told them I had not told anybody at work, and she was happy to keep it that way. Immediately after I felt vulnerable and wished I had not told her.

Come on ladies, why have I got such a problem with certain people knowing I am doing LL. At different points I have felt like a fraud when people want to know the secret to my diet. Also, any comments regarding me spending time on myself greatly appreciated. I think I have got so wrapped up in my LL bubble I am unsure if I have become obsessive.